The whole night
by LilyBartAndTheOthers
Summary: I'm not sure I should.


You should have stayed

You should have stayed.

What for? I hate running in the morning.

But you don't like either rushing away in the middle of the night.

How do you know that?

It's written in your soul. I can see it in your eyes. You always look down and sigh.

I never said anything.

You don't need to. Your silence is so loud...

I had to leave. You know it.

When I opened my eyes I missed your arms, your smile. I feel so lost when you're not with me.

Don't say that. Please. I can't cry now. Stop it.

You never let the tears well up in your eyes. But it's even sharper to swallow them back as a matter of fact.

I thought it was better like that.

What?

You and I.

I'm tired.

I'm sorry.

I feel so bad, for everything. For everyone.

What do you want? What are you expecting from me? There's not a lot that I can do, you know it. Or maybe...

I hate the whole situation, I can't handle it anymore.

No... Don't do that, please. Don't leave me.

I couldn't even breathe if you weren't next to me. I count the hours that separate us from our kiss. The first one of the day, when I can at last feel your lips on mine, holding you tight. I love the way you sigh when you plunge your hand in my hair and smile in my mouth. I love everything about you, the least motion of your heart.

I love you.

So stay with me the whole night. Please. I guess it's time we change our plans.

She's calling you.

Don't be mad. You know...

Yes. I know. That's why I won't stay and always break apart. She's my best friend, I don't want to lose her. I don't want to spoil everything just for a few hours more in your arms. As temtping as it sounds. She wouldn't understand and even less accept it. You should see how her eyes start shining when she speaks about you. I'm nothing for her but she only thinks about you. Just you. I won't be the one who will come up and ruin your life.

You just appeared and saved my soul.

That's beautiful, honey.

It makes me think of you.

I miss you.

What about Jack?

He makes me laugh and smile but not feel alive. He's not you. He can't bring me half of the things I feel whenever I picture you there, next to me. Whenever you come in here and slightly brush my desk, ignoring me. I know that when you look at Grace, you're actually thinking about me. I love the figure of your back, I wish I could caress it, slowly. And feel you shiver under my palm, kiss your skin and hug you tight. There's not a lot to say, it's all in my heart.

I have this fantasy about you and I. I take your hand and you smile. I push you closer to me and I join your lips for a tender kiss. There, in front of everyone. And we don't care about the rest, we just forget them. And live it out loud, at last. You don't deserve to remain in the dark. You were born to shine, brightly and light up my heart. And light up our life.

Keep this dream alive, it will fill your nights when I have to leave your arms. It's just an utopia but a beautiful one. I don't allowed myself to have some fantasies. I admire your courage, I couldn't handle it. Knowing it's all vain, over even before the beginning.

I can't help it, you make me hope.

I'm sorry. I don't do it on purpose.

Is Grace still there?

No.

That's why you let your tears run on your cheeks.

That's why I let my love for you cry its impossibility. It's the only thing I can vaguely control, actually.

You've never been so sad since you're with me.

I've never been alive before you kissed me.

You're so beautiful when you smile through your tears. Your features are bewitching, Karen. Like the essence of your spirit. Let me come to you now and hold you tight. Let me whisper how I love you, let me shiver between your arms. Against your heart.

But we'll always have to break apart. And if it's not my turn, you'll be the one who'll rush away as soon as Grace enters the room. Or Jack. Or anyone.

Not if you stay the whole night.

I will never do that, I'm such a coward.

But you're not alone this time.

It hurts, Will.

I'm here. Take my hand, trust me. Don't cry.

I'm scared. I don't want to end up looking at myself, lonely around a devastated place. There's too many responsabilities so that I try, too many risks.

One day, perhaps.

Yes. Just let me some time.

Will you come tonight?

Even though it would be easier like that, I couldn't miss it, not even once.

Grace's there.

Let's break apart, Will. See you tonight.

She shut down her computer and looked at the office around her. Empty. She sighed heavily and took a magazine, counting the hours until the evening. An old routine.

Like every night she sat in front of him and ate in silence, smiling at Grace, joking with Jack. Pretending wasn't a difficult task, just painful on her heart. Whenever she happened to meet his eyes she could feel her heart start beating quicker and the irrepressible wish to hold him tight. Of course she didn't do it and stayed away. Like every night.

Like every night they talked for a couple hours before standing up and saying good night. She left the flat, hugged Jack and let him close the door behind him. She pressed the button of the elevator and waited for it, like every night. She couldn't help smiling when she heard the familiar sound of the door in her back.

She turned and rushed in Will's arms. Like every night. Wishing secretly she wouldn't go away and stay the whole night.


End file.
